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Midlife Crisis Forum

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Hi. And welcome to the first bed and breakfast inn dedicated exclusively to midlifers and located completely in cyberspace. Whether you've come to have fun (most of us are here at least partly to play), to just get away, to discover and reaffirm your identity and passion in life, to recover from a loss, or to work through a midlife crisis; I'm glad you're here.

So put on some grubbies, take your shoes off, and stroll leisurely through the grounds. You'll meet some of my old friends here (people like Meg, Gordon, my sister D'Lynne and wife Charlotte) and my new ones (people like Susanne, Kathy, Truet, Dan and Alice). There's plenty of opportunity to visit with them and me, so come on in and look around. And be sure to sign the guest registry. We want to know who's walking these trails with us.

Other Guest Pages (April-July 1997) (August-October 1997) (November-December 1997) (January-March 1998)
(April-June 1998) (July-September 1998) (October-December 1998) (January-March 1999)

Guests of Midlife Moments by Date: 1997

April 5
April 11
April 14
April 21
April 25
April 28
May 12
May 15
May 19
May 23
May 27
June 2
June 7
June 12
June 16
June 21
June 25
June 30
July 1
July 4
July 7
July 13
July 21
July 23
July 27

Dates posted (may not be the same as dates first sent)

April 5, 1997

I guess this registers me as your guest. My thought on mid-life: midlife is when reality catches up with idealism. Which you have already said--but that principle is slowly starting to sink in. Reality can be a "rude" awakening.

D'Lynne Stone (Mike's sister)


I'm not really asking a question. Just wanted you to know that I've been to your web site.

Jon Bellah (Mike's firstborn son)


hey mike,

i enjoy your column. there is something strange and onimous about becoming 47, which i just did. i have been divorced for 7 years which is hard to believe and for the past 7 years i have been a single mom of 4 boys who are now 23,20 15, and ll. the oldest is graduating from texas a& m in may. the second is in college, and the third in junior high and the youngest has autism and is included in 3rd for part of the day. i teach elementary in a little town in the panhandle. i am finding that midlife is sort of tough. your articles are an encouragement. thank you. i am also delighted to find your home pages, i love the internet. have a super week.

kathy graves: bovina, texas


Mike, I have enjoyed your column for some time. I always thought that I had known you, at some time in my life. Your article today regarding Art McAnarney gave me the clue I needed. I think I went to the third and fourth grades with you at Rex Reeves (though I think it was not named Rex Reeves yet). I recall other classmates being Joe Moore, David Rossi, Joe and Jack Stephens. I have a vague recollection that I may have been to a Halloween party at your house. Nevertheless, I have enjoyed your column, and anticipate that I will enjoy it even more, having "placed you"! By the way, my name is Truett Brannon, but at that time I was only known as "Buster". Keep up the good work!

EMail is :Brannon@xit.net

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Response: April 5

Thanks for writing everyone. It's neat to start hearing from people. D' Lynne, I like your idealism/reality idea. Does this mean we still can't be somewhat idealistic? Let me know what you think. (for her response, see this week's discussion).

Hi Jon, Thanks for letting me know that my e-mail link is working. By the way, this interactive stuff isn't limited to us midlifers. Would be good to hear from you 20-somethings from time to time. You guys have taught me more than one lesson in life.

Hey yourself, kathy. Sounds like you're an experienced net surfer. Thanks for stopping by my site. I really admire you single mothers. I think you have the hardest, and maybe most important, job on the planet. My kids are starting to get out of college too. Then you start praying for a good job. Hope you will keep touching base here; would enjoy hearing your thoughts on things. By the way, I've been thinking about an interview with a midlife single mom or dad.

Hi Truett. Yep, those were my friends too. David Rossi was another one who used to push me around on the football field quite a bit. I liked him. I think Jack Stephens is still in the area; I heard that his brother Joe died (if someone knows, tell me). Joe Moore was in Waco last I heard. He figures in one of my stories, but I haven't put it on the web yet. I'm honored that you enjoy the column. Hope you'll stop by the interactive page often.

Hope all of you will tell your online friends about this web site. The more the merrier.

See ya,


 April 11, 1997

 Howdy Mike,

Just letting you know I've found you on the web. Yo to Charlotte.

Marla (McGill, Pampa, Tx.)



I found your web site!!! No small task for being so new to this. I still can't believe you called me 30 minutes after I got hooked up to the Internet! And, boy, this could be addictive if there are more sites out there as good as yours, but I have a feeling the quality of your site is fairly unique.

And interactive! Wow! Who wudda thunk!!!! This is really fun. I can talk right back to you when something hits me. I had fun just browsing your column list. I only had time to read two of them today. I read the "Christmas in July" one. The title intrigued me.

The article reached me on several different levels. First, the pleasure of going back in my mind to that special place on the edge of Palo Duro Canyon, truly a Texas treasure that is a kept secret. (People from Austin are always so amazed at the scale and beauty and grandeur of the Canyon and in the Panhandle?--in such a flat place?--) Anyway, I heaved a sigh to remember being a teen counselor there. I, too, remember the mud, the MUD!!! I think as an adult, I never credited the adults that were in charge with directing the creativity that the teens executed. That is a mid life perspective that allows me to appreciate how adults direct. I admire the same trait in teachers and youth ministers and counselors today.

I loved your analysis of disappointments. That they come to us from failed cirsumstances, but only stay because of failed creativity. What a great perspective. Perspective --that loaded word that comes from character building circumstances like divorce, being fired, death of both parents. The circumstances that I hated so much, but the view from up here is only because of the perspective I gained from the circumstance I was put through or endured! I think that one word sums up the advantage to being a mid lifer--it is in the perspective.

I laughed last week when I opened my shower door and found at least 10 Barbie dolls and various plastic people all over the floor. As the girls are getting older now (age 9, third grade) it is rare that they play like that in the shower. Instead of getting angry that they didn't "pick up their things" I was able to say, "thank you, God, thank you, that you gave me the opportunity to have these precious children, that they are still innocent and fun and young and I can enjoy them yet a little while." Only good 'ole midlife perspective gave me that.

Hey, send me D'Lynne's e mail address. I hope that you get this, my first attempt at communication over the computer!

your friend, Meg Lowry <megpie@ix.netcom.com> (Austin, Tx.)



Your newspaper column is one of the bright spots in my week. I'm a better person when I have had the time to sip a hot cup of coffee and stroll through the Saturday morning paper at my leisure.

James S., who wrote a guest column for you once, is a buddy of mine from SPS. He and many others are hoping to know whether they get to continue their employment w/SPS this month. I wish all of them well.

I was fortunate enough to move on before getting booted out, and I am thrilled with my new job. It's great to know that even in your forties you can activate a few new brain cells and try some new and different things.

My husband and I love your column because so many of the topics touch us where we are. I'd love to compile some of our stories to see whether you could use them for your column. Any special topics you are focusing on right now?

Warm Wishes,



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Response: April 11

Marla, Yo to you too. Hope all is well with you. 


Welcome to the Web and thanks for the encouraging words. Actually, there are a lot of neat sites on the Web, but I hope you'll keep visiting this one from time to time. I'm sending D'Lynne's email, but you two better not do all your visiting somewhere else. We want to sit in on some of them. (See the discussion site for a topic D'Lynnne has responded too).


Yes, James is a good friend of mine too, and a funny guy. I wish the best for him and the other SPS people too. I know what it's like to have to start over in midlife.

Actually, I'd be interested in any ideas you and your husband have for columns. Mostly, I look for stories that address any of our common midlife struggles (job plateaus or career changes, raising teens, caring for aging parents, dealing with grief or limitations, surviving a midlife crisis, and many others) and midlife joys (enjoying friendships including new ones with adult children, finding new pleasure in simple pursuits, discovering a new midlife passion or identity, and . . . . ). Lately, I have especially wanted to do something over couples who have found new vitality in a midlife marriage. But these are only ideas, and I love creativity so email me and suggest some options.

Good to hear from all of you. I will be out of town over the weekend so will probably post again on Monday, April 14 (the day before taxes are due--Yuk!).

Take care,


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April 14

I guess we're all doing our taxes this weekend. There are no messages to post. Yall have a good week, and I'll post again on Friday, April 18.

April 21,

I've received some email from readers this weekend, but no new guests. I'm going to redesign this page in the next two or three weeks to make it both more user-friendly and more cozy. Got any suggestions? If you're reading this and have yet to register as a guest, please do. We'd like to know who you are.

By the way, check out the new postings for midlifers of the month. There are some neat stories here.

April 25,

Between you and me (I'd rather be anonymous), it's nice to find a site that targets us midlifers. I'm part of the sandwich generation which takes care of one's parent(Mom) who's become a child because of Alzheimers. It's the first time since my son was tiny (now a newlywed 32 yr old)that I've stayed home. It can be very difficult, not only trying to adjust to being a fulltime homemaker, but also to seeing one's parent going downhill. If it weren't for my supportive husband and links like yours on the Net, I'd go batty.

Your midlifer of the month is inspiring and helps put things into perspective. Thanks for being there. I'd like to see more about midlife career changes. I'll have the opportunity to make one eventually.

Response: April 25,

I think we've finally reached the Internet search engines. Welcome Pam and anonymous (by the way, anonymous, did you see these columns on career changes). Thanks for visiting the site and come back often. And to the rest of you surfers checking out this site, thanks for stopping by and I hope you'll register as a guest and let us know who you are and what's on your mind.


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April 28,

I think your web site is very interesting. My husband and I separated recently after 23 years of marriage and its nice to find topics which I can relate to. Keep up the good work. Audrey Antworth <"ANTWORTH@NBNET.NB.CA"@nbnet.nb.ca>


Hey Mike:
Well I finally made it you your web site. I spend very little time on a computer. I enjoyed your article on Play. I need to play more and having a granddaughter (Heather's daughter Suzanne) is really fun. I haven't played peekaboo in 15 years!! It is fun to look at life again through the eyes of a nearly two year old. I suspect when your grandchild comes you will be a giddy grandfather like the rest of us - crawling on your hands and knees chasing your grandchild down the hall, acting absolutely crazy just to hear and see them laugh, making all kinds of noises into the telephone at a kid who just looks at it and wondering what weird person is doing that!! But its great. I'm on the top end of 50 and loving it. (Is that post midlife?) It is a great life when you get to spend it with your best friend, lover, and confidant who is my wife. Looking forward to more "conversation." Good to hear from some voices from the past "hello marla" Meg I enjoyed your comments about letting your girls play.
Gordon Schroeder gordon@kingdom.net

Response: April 28

Audrey, thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you're finding things here that are helpful (if I'm missing subjects--and I'm sure I am--let me know, and I'll try to write something dealing with the area). I wish you the best.

Hey Gordon. No, you are not post-midlife (you are post baby boom, but many would consider that fact a blessing ;-) Yes, I expect to be a giddy grandfather; I'll love crawling on hands and knees and chasing, but I'm not so sure I'll be getting up easily from the position. Say hello to the fam and thanks for writing in the registry.


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May 12, 1997

Thanks--John (46 YEAR OLD)


hello mike,

so thankful to find this website. my husband of 20 years is going through what i consider to be a midlife crisis . . . (see Questions and Answers for the rest of message)


I enjoyed your column! My wife and I are developing a cookbook for midlife, and will include some humorous tidbits as well as health insights and philosophy. I'd love to have permission to use some brief excerpts from your "Murphy Was a Midlifer" column. Of course we would give proper credit and recommend your newsletter. Is it possible to get this permission? If you'd like to know a bit more about the book, visit our web page at http:/home.rmci.net/kw/CookBook/newbook.htm/ a page put out for agents (we have one) and publishers to look at.
Ken Wade


I want to let you know that I have chosen Men in Midlife Crisis as my Senior Project at school. I will probably be visiting your site often. Thanks for some good information you are providing.


Hello Mike:

Thanks for writing. We checked out your homepage and found that it is very, very good so we made a link to your page today. Will appreciate if you link back to Boomers Int'l when you can.
Jieranai T. Maier,
Boomers International Web Site,

Response: May 12

John, Try Gail Sheehy's New Passages, Jim Conway's Men in Midlife Crisis, and Fly Fishing through the Midlife Crisis by Howell Raines.

Ken, Use your excerpts with permission acknowledged. And send me a yummy recipe.

Jim, Good luck on the project.

And thanks, Boomers International for linking to my site.

Sorry, I'm so late posting these. For some reason all these May messages didn't arrive at my e-mail address until today. Everyone have a good week, and let me hear from you.



May 15, 1997

Mike, thanks for the permission! Here's a recipe I worked up just tonight. Strawberries and blueberries are some of the best sources of antioxidants, and the blueberries can help keep the urinary tract healthy, and the tofu's a great source of phytoestrogens which help both men and women in midlife. Let me know what you think, if you get to try it. My wife thinks I shouldn't add so much water, but I found the drink very refreshing.
TOFRUITTI SMOOTHIE (this is one of Ken's recipes)
1 lb firm tofu
1 1/3 cup ice water
12 large washed and stemmed strawberries
2 cups frozen blueberries
2 frozen bananas
2 T vanilla
Moosh the tofu, then throw everytying in the blender and turn it on. Wait till the blueberry skins are too fine to see.
Ken Wade
+++Make it idiot-proof, and someone will make a better idiot+++

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May 19, 1997

I completely forgot to say how nice your web page is! You certainly learned Kemp's hypertextuality - mega links and interactive (how'd you do that? It's great.)
Take care,
A. Wendy Lyons AWendyL@postoffice.worldnet.att.net


Love your column! I too have enjoyed many a Sat am, coffee in hand, reading your columns. After viewing your web page with the beautiful canyon, I knew you lived close by. We're neighbors (I bought the Swatzell place last year) and I love the quiet this little town offers. I returned to college as a "not-quite-mid-lifer". By the time I graduated, I was THERE. The mirror said so-it is my mother's face as well as her voice saying the very things I swore I would never say to my children. What's even scarier-I enjoy watching the birds and squirrels outside my office window. It's taking a lot to settle into this phase of life. In the meantime, I have continued with my education. That is something I would recommend everyone to do-take a class for fun, or for the mental challenge.
Keep up the great column.
"mimi moore" <mamo@amaonline.com>

Response: May 19, 1997

Ken, Thanks for the recipe. I plan to try it soon

Wendy, Good to hear from you. (Wendy and I shared an office while teaching English and working on PhD's at Texas Tech) Good luck on your new job.

Mimi, It is indeed a small world. The Swatzells were like surrogate parents for me during the first 13 or 14 years of my life. Their son Jack and I were buds. I guess I spent almost as much time at their house as I did my own. Your description of midlife is poignant and right-on from my perspective. And I agree with you about the education thing; in fact, I have my own back to school story, written about one year ago.

Thanks to all of you for writing. Have a good week

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May 23, 1997


Although I'm not yet a mid-lifer (I'm stuck somewhere between Boomer and X-er) your columns provide me with encouragement and inspiration. And, I have to admit, with a bit of fear for what mid-life holds for me. I'm often plagued by feelings of "is this all there is?", that it's too late to "do it right" and that somehow I've wasted the first 35 years of my life learning a lot of hard lessons the hard way. Thanks for using your gift of communication to share your own hard-earned insights with the rest of us.
I'd also like to say Hi to Marla McGill. You were a steady source of encouragement during a very difficult (and obnoxious, I might add) adolescence! Thanks for hanging in there with me during that summer at Hidden Falls and not smothering me in my sleep.
Keep up the great columns, Mike, and have a wonderful week. Say hi to Charlotte!
Love, Lettie


I also heard this week from a father of an out-of-control 16-year-old who has written some poignant verse on the hopelessness we feel at such a time. He wants to remain anonymous, but you can read his poem at "When Teens Rebel: Discussion."

May 23: Response

Good to hear from you Lettie. I think we all ask those questions. It helps me to realize that failure, too, is a part of life; some of my best discoveries have come with my most painful experiences--not the way I would have planned it, but I wouldn't trade the new gifts. And I can't believe you're 35 (what does that make me? Ouch!).
Thanks for writing and feel free to visit these web pages often. They're not only for us "older" boomers.

And thanks for the moving verse, anonymous. I wish you the best.


May 27, 1997


I discovered your web site today. I must tell you that it was an inspiration to me. Your columns are so positive and encouraging. I'm not middle-aged; I'm twenty-five and I've been toying with the idea of writing columns for about six months now. I have one publishing (paid!) credit to my name, and I'm pushing myself to keep the momentum going. Anyway, just wanted to say "thanks" for helping me out.

I need to know about career opportunities at age 50 in community counseling, drug/alcohol rehab and gerontology teaching at 2 year or tech colleges. I need to make a major decision for further training this Fall. I don't want to enter a career with an age bias.
Student, Mankato State University


I also heard this week from D'Lynne who joined the discussion over rebellious teen-agers and Wendy who shared some thoughts on an interview I did on midlife affairs and The Bridges of Madison County

May 27: Response

Aletha, Thank you for helping me out. It's encouraging to give encouragement. Keep at the writing; if it's hope you want to offer, you will find an audience.

Bonnie, I'm going to delay answering your question until I can consult with an expert in the field. Look for the results of my investigation in an upcoming article on my "questions" page.

And thanks D'Lynne and Wendy for the insightful observations. I appreciate the input.

I'll try to update this registry again on Friday or Saturday. Until then, have a good week and enjoy your stay at the Midlife Moments Bed and Breakfast.

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June 2, 1997

Hi. I can really sympathize with Alice. My husband went off the deep end on April 11. His life had no meaning, he couldn't handle the stress, he felt guilty about the lack of sex, and he had to find himself--(See the remainder of this email from "Perplexed" and my response on the Q & A page.)


I am a therapist and have my private counseling practice and I am also a solid member of the "First Wives Club", having been dumped for a much younger woman. It was one heck of a haul to find myself again, but "I'm back", as they say. Please let me know how I can be of help to any women in your audience who are going, have gone through, suspect that they are going through something "scary" related to this matter. My time will be free and will consider this a help to all of us "mid-lifers" or "baby-boomer going through our identity crisis".
Susanne M.Ed. NCC, NCCC (If you want to take Susanne up on her offer send me an email and I'll see that you get in touch)

I enjoyed reading your article and printed it up. I am seeing a client (male) tomorrow who DEFINITELY is going through mid-life. I will give him a copy of your article. He may of course, probably definetely, not recognize himself yet, but...that's what I'm here for. Right? Anyway, good to see your web site. I will tell others about it.


I find your Mid life Moments magazine of considerable interest and would appreciate you mailing me a brochure and trial issue.
Dan Myers: djmyers@juno.com

Personal Stats:
Age: 42 Years, 6 Months, 3 Days, and small change.
3/4 of original hair scalp coverage remaining.
1/2 of remaining 3/4 hair still original non grey color.
Recently joined the ranks of the Bi-focaled. (Graduated of course).
Honored "fellow" member of the "Dicky Do" club. (Details upon request).
Recently became the proud ower of my "first" set of electric nose hair clippers! (Envy on your part is understandable)
Recently started drooling over Harleys (previously totally unnoticed), and bimbos (previously noticed - but without the drool).
- - - - And the list goes on - - - -

Response: June 2, 1997

Perplexed, Thanks for writing and I hope you find some help on these pages.

Susanne, Thanks for the kind words and the generous offer. I'm sure you'll have some that want your help. As I've said a number of times on these pages, I'm not a professional therapist and I do recommend such for midlifers in crisis.

Dan, You are not the first person to interpret my offer to newspaper editors in the brochure as an offer for an online magazine or newsletter. However, I have no such additional publication. So far, all that I offer is online or in local newspapers and all is free. So enjoy.

P.S. You are a funny guy. Ever think about writing your own column?


Oops. I almost forgot. I have received a request from an editor at a nationally circulated magazine for an interview with someone who has experienced a midlife crisis. If you have gone through one, and wish to be interviewed on record, let me know and I'll get you in touch. I hope someone will do this (they've already heard from me) since there are still a lot of people out there who don't think there is such a thing.

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June 7, 1997

I would like to introduce you to a new midlife site on the web. It's called "Midlife Mommmies" and deals with the growing number of midlife women raising young children. Dads too..I hope you might consider a link to this site on yours. Visit us at http://www.concentric.net/~rdkennen
I look forward to hearing from you.


Dear Mike,
I am married to a man who has been in an extreme mid-life crisis for over two years. He left home and became a "monster" after being married to me for over 25 years. Previous to the crisis he was a model husband and very proud father to our three sons (For more of Peggy's e-mail, see this week's Q&A page.)


My name is Kathy, I have a rebellious teen, I love my daughter more than anything, but at times I feel I can not go any further. Today I am at that point . . . (for more from Kathy see When Teens Rebel: Discussion Page).


Was reviewing your web site, because something wierd is going on with my husband of 15 years. For the last 1-11/2 years he has become more and more angry, and difficult to be around . . . (for more of Tammy's question see the Q&A Page).


you have one huge advantage over me (alice). your husband says he still loves you. don't take that lightly . . . (for more of "Alice's" response to "Perplexed" see the new Midlife Crisis Forum where readers can respond directly to each other.

Response: June 7, 1997

Rita, Good to hear from you and I have linked to your site.

Peggy and Tammy, Thanks for writing and I hope these responses help. Good luck and hang in there.

Kathy, As you will see on the discussion page, you have plenty of company. I hope you will find comfort and support in these pages.

And "Alice," thanks for the input. I hope my forum pages can become places where you and others establish a dialogue that will help all of us.


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June 12, 1997


I am writing to tell you about a coworker. First of all, I guess I should tell you that I am 27 and just started working here about 9 months ago. I am very outgoing and I like to talk to people . . . Sometimes I do have trouble with guys misinterpreting my friendliness. Well, there is one person who I have bumped into more frequently and we've become "friends." What I thought was harmless flirting has turned into something more. . . (for more from "Just Wondering" see this week's Q & A page.

Response: June 12, 1997

Just Wondering, I'm glad you wrote although I'm not sure you'll like what I have to say on the subject. If it's any consolation, I've made my own share of unwise decisions in life and have had to hear similar words of admonition from friends who cared. I also heard this week from Pam, Susanne, and Paula who joined the discussion on the Midlife Crisis Forum. And I currently have several questions I need to respond to online. So if you're one who hasn't heard from me yet, be patient; I'll either respond or find someone who can.

Also, my web site evidently was not accessible last Sunday. If you ever can't reach me for a prolonged time, please email me at mike@bestyears.com and I'll call my web provider and see if I can get back online soon.

And if you've not yet entered the Midlife Moments Bed and Breakfast Inn through the front door, I wish you'd go there now. I have a special word I'd like to give you.

See ya later.--Mike

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June 16, 1997


I enjoy reading your articles in the News Globe. I have bookmarked this home page to read it often. Thanks for the bed and breakfast portion-- that's the only part I have had time to read at this time.

Sunray, Texas



Just checking your site out. Looks good. 52 is kinda midlife isn't it?

Jim Stockard


Mike, you have to help me!

I wrote to you recently and told you about an older man that I work with. He told me that he is in love with me! I'm not ready for this. I'm not sure what to do. When I told him that he was in a mid-life crisis and I was just convenient, he said that he has heard it before and that it is just not true.

I know what I should do, but I wanted to get some advice from an expert on this subject.

Signed, Now look what I've done!

Response: June 16, 1997

Sherry and Jim, Welcome to the inn. I hope you'll stop by often. And, yes Jim 52 is about as midlife as it gets (Ha!).

"NLWID," I'm not really an "expert" on the subject, but I do have advice: "Run." Just as fast as you can, to a personel office to complain of sexual harrassment if it takes it. This relationship is nothing but trouble. (for my former response to "Just Wondering" see the Q & A page).

I was out of town for the weekend, but the MM Bed and Breakfast was full. I also heard from Wally and Paula who have commented on the "Crisis Forum" page. And John, Ellen, and "B," hang in there. I will respond as soon as time allows. I'm teaching a college course this summer as well as trying to prepare for Ph.D. exams in July.

Have a good week everyone. I'll try to post messages again on Friday. In the meantime, enjoy your stay.--Mike

June 17, 1997

I couldn't wait until Friday to put this in. Susanne has a response to "Just Wondering" which she and the rest of us really need to hear. And I have a response to Susanne.

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June 21, 1997

Sorry I'm so late posting this week. I've heard from a bunch of people, but none just signing the guest registry. Steve and Alice have some thoughts for the Midlife Crisis Forum; I have a response to John on the Q & A page, and I've opened a new Q & A II Page, where you can answer the questions of other guests. Actually, the traffic is becoming a bit overwhelming, but I'm glad for it. Just need to automate some of these things, and to get the rest of you more involved in answering each others' questions. Also I have someone working on a live chat line that should be available soon. So bear with me. I'm glad you stopped by, and I appreciate it when you leave little notes in the guest registry.

Have a good week.--Mike

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June 25, 1997

My best friend is in need of help. I just got off the phone with her and was reading her some of your questions and answers (see, she cannot do this from her computer at home because HE is there). Anyway, I was reading to her with tears in my eyes because she is my dearest and closest friend. Her husband is going through a ML Crisis right now and she is devastated. Thank you for having this site as I think it might just help her. I asked her to write a letter and I would forward it through my computer. I just hope this doesn't affect all men as I myself have the most wonderful husband in the world. Thank you.


June 30, 1997

I haven't explored much of this yet. I am looking for stories of people who have switched to "something completely different" or different than what they expected, at some relatively late point in their life.


Response June 30, 1997

Thanks for writing Anonymous. You are a good friend to your friend, and I hope she gets some help on these pages. All men and women don't go through the same kind of midlife crisis, but I think most of us midlifers (men and women) do struggle with coming to terms with our mortality and our failed expectations. What your friend is experiencing is the downside--some turbulent emotions; the upside is a richer, more rewarding experience on the other side of crisis.

Hi Dana--Actually, I have a number of such stories, many of which I've already put on these pages (the others are coming). Try this link, and I hope you enjoy your stay.


Hey Everybody--You'll want to visit the Cafe Zoe, our new live chat line at Best Years. On the Zoe page, I've listed some special times to connect with others, but you can get on anytime to see if someone is there. I'm looking forward to visiting with you in real time.

July 1, 1997

I am a woman reading about affairs. Its very interesting that as a society who seems to need the family intact doesn't seem to realize that as a human animal we are doing exactly what nature has intended for us to do. I thoroughly believe that men especially need to find younger women . . . (for the rest of this message from "It's Just Natural," see the Midlife Crisis Forum).


Hi, I started out searching info on what happened to my ex-husband ie; mid life crisis and in turn found me. After 28 yrs together I wasn't too sure who I was, but I'm finding out I kinda like her.

I am starting back to school in Aug to do what I love and found (quite by accident) that I was very good at , I am taking Culinary arts program and I plan to open a Catering/event planner business after I graduate.

Sometimes when you think you have lost everything it gives you the guts to go for it,and not be afraid to fail,experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

So I sold my house to my son,and enrolled in school 300 miles away in Redding and I'm about to embark on chapter II of MY life. And I will confess I'm scared to death,excited,unsure but I will never know if I don't try......Wish me luck !


Response July 1

I do, Peggy. And, your story is exactly the kind of "second-chance tale" I'm hearing from readers. We're all pulling for you. Check in from time to time and let us know how things are going.

Just Natural, One also could argue that nature teaches us to kill all rivals to survive (after all, other people use up all the resources). I'm not sure I want to do what comes natural, the way animals do. Hopefully, although we sometimes don't act like it, we're more than animals. But thanks for the input, and I'll enjoy discussing the topic more on the Midlife Crisis Forum Page if you want. What do the rest of you think?


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July 4, 1997

It seems all your letters are from woman...it's always woman, woman, woman. Even the health journals, the well-ness books generated by the HMO's have major chapters that are 'For Women Only'! They admit that there really isn't much for men and was referred to my private physician. He agreed. He said that I was on my own and would have to research via the public librarys. He forgot the Internet! Thanks, Tom :>}

Response July 4, 1997

Hey Tom, thanks for stopping by and I think you're right. But we (and that includes the women who comment on these pages) don't want it this way. Just last week Susanne (a regular contributor to the discussion on the midlife crisis page) asked me if I thought we could find some way to get men, especially those experiencing a midlife crisis, to express themselves in this forum. She also wanted to know if such a discussion would have helped me when I was struggling with my crisis about 8 years ago. The answer to the second question is yes. I think it would have helped a lot to be able to talk to others with similar thoughts and to get suggestions on how to work through those turbulent emotions. I'm not sure about the answer to the first question. There are men who visit this site, and some of them have responded. Maybe you males just need some encouragement, so go ahead and speak up. We're interested in what you have to say.

To all of you reading this, thanks for dropping by this week. If it's not already past the 4th, enjoy the celebrations. I plan to. My small town makes a big deal of the 4th of July with a parade, various events on the town square, and a cookout and fireworks display at night. Have a good week.

July 7, 1997

Many of you visited the MM Bed & Breakfast Inn over the weekend, but all of the e-mail was questions and not entries in the guest registry (I promise I'll get to them as soon as I can). Anyway, for the first part of this week, I'll be teaching classes at two universities which are over 100 miles apart (West Texas A & M and Texas Tech University) so I may not post messages as regularly as I want to. But I do want to hear from you and will catch up just as soon as I can.

Also, I'm sure many of you have been frustrated trying to find a conversation to join at the Cafe Zoe (on-line chat). Within the next two weeks I will be posting special times so we'll be sure to get enough of us together to make it more than a monologue. So be patient; we'll get this working as soon as possible.

Enjoy your stay and have a good day.--Mike

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July 13, 1997

Mike, This "interactive" stuff is really a lot of fun. This summer since I'm off from my teaching job for awhile, I thought I'd get to know my computer a little bit. My first step is using email with Charlotte (my little sister andyour wife). What fun to be able to communicate with her at any time -- and so easy! My midlife crisis, ( I think it's a midlife crisis), is that I feel so out of alignment with other people. Here I am, almost 49, yet I feel like I'm 35 still in love with rock and roll music, young clothes, and being around my teenagers (both at school and at home) because they are funny and unpredictable and they make me feel young. But many of the midlifers I am acquainted with seem so "old" to me. Where do I fit in? And how can I come to terms with being a midlifer? I enjoy the perspective from the middle, but I envy the young ones too. I'm probably not making any sense, but there you are. Love ya, Marianne (Ransom) Hammerschmidt

Response: July 14, 1997

Hi Marianne. Thanks for signing in. I, too, still love rock and roll. And teaching college kids has been an unexpected reward of my career change. I agree about feeling young again with the age group. Yet I've also begun to see and appreciate some of the benefits of being midlife. That's what I talk about in most of my columns. Yes, I envy youth too, but if I could trade places, I'd probably opt out after a day or two of it. My teens and 20s weren't all that great. Anyway, thanks again for stopping by.--Mike

Hey everyone: I have a couple of things I need to tell you before I go south for the week to teach. There are several new letters on the Q & A Page II for you to respond to. And, for those of you who haven't seen your question yet, I'm working on them. Also we will be having an online planning meeting for the chat line Tuesday night at 10:00 Central Daylight Time. Hope you can join us for this (we will be talking about times and topics for regular chats). Just go to the Cafe Zoe and click on the Main Chat Room. Again, thanks for visiting Midlife Moments Bed and Breakfast and have a good week.

July 21, 1997


Just found your site. It's good to be talking with other's going through the same moment in their lives. I'm an RN and want OUT!! I want to let the entrepreneurial and creative side of myself flourish. Anyone out these starting their own businesses? Want to talk?

Thanks for creating this forum, I'm glad to have found it.

Peggy S Carlan RN

Response July 21

Hi Peggy. And thanks for stopping by the Midlife Moments Bed and Breakfast. Your question is a good one. If I get several responses, I'll establish a separate forum page for midlife career changers. Hope you'll visit again soon.--Mike

Lots of e-mail this week, but again the majority goes to the question and answer pages. I hope you will visit these pages, especially the Q & A Page II, where I need your help responding to people. Please don't think you don't have anything to say to these people; just a brief word of encouragement will mean a lot. Also remember that you can sign in here at the guest registry more than once. I'd like to keep up on what you're doing and to know the specific things on this web site that you are finding helpful.

Have a good week--Mike

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July 23, 1997

I just posted responses to Leslie, "Need to Know," "Empty Nester," Justin, and "Devastated" on the Q & A Page II. All were written by Susanne, a professional counselor and regular contributor here, who, this time, has gone way beyond the call of duty. Although involved in a busy graduate program, Susanne regularly makes time to do this free online counseling. I am so grateful to her, and I know you are too.

I still need answers on the same page for Josephine, "Desperate," "Hurting in South Dakota," and "Clueless." You certainly don't have to be a professional counselor to offer advice on these pages, but if you are, and want to respond from time to time, send me an e-mail and let's talk. Also if you're still waiting for your letter to be posted, there may be several reasons for the delay. I may just not have had the time to post it. Or it may be with a professional counselor who is composing an answer, which I'll post as soon as I receive. Or there could be other problems, maybe length. So you might look again at my responding policies and then compose and send your letter again. Finally, sometimes e-mail gets lost; it never hurts to re-send something.

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July 27, 1997

Some of you have asked about new columns. How often do I put new ones up? Actually, when I first established this web site, (April and May of 1997), I put 50 to 60 columns up at once so that there would be plenty here for people wanting to read about almost any subject. For the most part, my weekly columns have just been a rotation of these.

However, starting in September, I will feature a brand new column every Monday (the weekend column will still come from a rotation of reader favorites). Also I'm planning some other innovations in September, including a monthly newsletter (will be a small charge for this), more regular forum pages (one for career changers for instance), and regular chat times and topics.

As many of you know, I'm trying to complete a PhD by December (will take my qualifying exams this week) so I'm just barely keeping up with things. My schedule should improve in September, and I'll be able to give this more time. Until then, please be patient.

Again, thanks for stopping by and do keep sending those e-mails. I want to know what you're thinking.--Mike

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