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Midlife Crisis Forum

The Best Years Bed and Breakfast Inn

Hi. And welcome to the first bed and breakfast inn dedicated exclusively to midlifers and located completely in cyberspace. Whether you've come to have fun (most of us are here at least partly to play), to just get away, to discover and reaffirm your identity and passion in life, to recover from a loss, or to work through a midlife crisis; I'm glad you're here.

So put on some grubbies, take your shoes off, and stroll leisurely through the grounds. You'll meet some of my old friends here (people like Meg, Gordon, my sister D'Lynne and wife Charlotte) and my new ones (people like Susanne, Kathy, Truet, Dan and Alice). There's plenty of opportunity to visit with them and me, so come on in and look around. And be sure to sign the guest registry. We want to know who's walking these trails with us.

Other Guest Pages (April-July 1997) (August-October 1997) (November-December 1997) (January-March 1998)
(April-June 1998) (July-September 1998) (October-December 1998) (January-March 1999)

Guests of Midlife Moments by Date: April- June 1998
(dates posted may not be the same as dates received)

April 3, 1998

Hi, I have a page on my results from Mid-Life Crisis. I'm glad to find your site! Very few webpages tackle the problems & results of it as you do. Thanks!! My site is Down Home type but seems to reach many struggling with Mid-Life Crisis. The Forum has one of my articles posted; feel free to use it. I wanted to help others understand the problem & at the same time protect themselves from the person they love that may be in the middle of a crisis.

Thanks for a great website!

Crystal Jensen: Country Life... http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Meadows/9106/


Warm wishes from another 0ver 50 year old lady in Sydney, Australia who has taken a bulletin board community of mature people to the internet via the Archer Mailing List. Non-commercial, we discuss the nuts and bolts of life. Hope we can share a few supporters...

Sandra Shaw http://www.spin.net.au/~sandra


Mike, I like your page. I have been looking for a chat / message site to discuss midlife career change issues. I have been working the same job for 20 years. I feel like I have lead weights on my feet when I am at work! I have wanted to leave for several years; but, lack the courage to change. I still do not know what I want to do next. I will check your page often. Thanks.

-- Stephen: Sugar Land, Texas


Hi Mike, I just discovered your web site and have only begun to explore it.

I found you by plugging the word "reinvent" into Yahoo. I'm at a stage of life (late 40's and in the throes of a career change) where I'm reinventing myself. It is a challenging business, and can be a little daunting. That's why it's great to see a column like yours which addresses these issues for midlifers in an upbeat and hopeful manner.

Sincerely, J.H.

My Response: April 3, 1998

Crystal and Sandra, I've listed your URLs in case some of my readers want to check them out. Thanks for writing.

Stephen and J. H, My new members-only site will give opportunity to join in conversations with other midlifers in the process of change. I hope you'll check it out. Meanwhile, thanks for visiting and I hope you'll come back often.

Everyone--You'll find new conversation this week on the Midlife Crisis Forum, and I'm working hard on the new site; please be patient.---Mike

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April 6, 1998

Hi everyone. Not any new guest messages this weekend. I've just switched to a new Internet provider, and there were a few days when we were in-between so if you mailed something that hasn't appeared, please resend. The new provider will make it possible for me to give you better pages here, including the new members-only site, so have a little patience and I think you will be pleased in the end. Have a good week.--Mike

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April 10, 1998

Mike, I got turned on to your site by a good friend of yours and mine a few months ago. Fantastic, keep up the good work. There's a tremendous need for what you're doing. I'm in the process of telling all of my friends about it. And not just the midlifers. I would have to say that you've turned me into a Champion for bestyears. You say that sometimes the best begins in the middle. I've tended to be a bit leery of that statement, until I look at how much I have to be thankful for. Life hasn't been easy - it was never promised to be - but persevering through the hard times builds hope, and character. Maybe together we can all get through this thing. I'm looking forward to your Members Only site. Every time I connect I just want more. It's never enough. Keep it coming.

Thomas, in Houston


Hello Mike! I've been to your site many times. It's great to have a place to go that fits like an old shoe. I'm a 48 year old homemaker, wife, and mother from Michigan. See? I "qualify" to be at your site, right? LOL I think you're doing a terrific job and a great service. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely, Chloe


Hi Mike, I'm looking for myths pertaining to midlife crisis on women and men. any suggestions? please let me know.

pam bailey

My response: April 10, '98

Hey Thomas. I love your enthusiasm. Thanks for the promotion; we'll work hard to stay worthy of your efforts.

Chloe--Yep you qualify. I'm glad you feel that you belong at this site, BUT an "old shoe," I'm sensitive about those age-related comparisons you know ;-)

Pam, There's actually a book called Midlife Myths. I mention it in "Surviving the Midlife Crisis." In addition, sounds like a good title for a column. Maybe I'll work on it.

Everyone--You'll also find new conversation on the Talkback Page (Anne from Michigan to MW in Amarillo). Thanks for visiting this week. See ya--Mike

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April 13, 1998

My story begins with what some may regard as a conclusion. I spent the last twenty-five years of my life working with young people. I have loved my work, and as a counselor I have achieved many of my goals, but as I reflected upon my life I found myself with an ache for fulfillment and searching for new beginnings.

For years I had prided myself on being a positive person, but suddenly I was aware that negative thoughts and confusing emotions ruled my days.

As I began to look around I realized I was not the only middle aged women today that was not content with my existing life. With much soul searching I began T.L.C.for Women. My main aim being to create a friendship group that would give vibrant women, with a wealth of life experiences, the ongoing opportunity to create change and fulfillment during the midlife years. A group of women networking with each other, having fun together, long term/possibly lifetime commitments. My strongest desire was to create a group, completely free of pressure, not only for myself but for members.

The original T.L.C. for Women group was formed in Feb. 96. I've now started helping women form their own groups. New groups receive a wealth of monthly information and ideas plus the opportunity of special retreats, numerous discounts including travel to dream locations.

I enjoy reading your page and agree that midlife can be the best time of our life. I've learned that "happiness is the by product of giving and we always get back far more than we give."

Anyone interested in starting their own group can e-mail me at tlcforwomen@usa.net.

Sondra Opdyke MFCC Director: T.L.C. for Women

My response: April 13, '98

Thanks for writing Sondra. Perhaps you'll hear from some women on this site.

Everyone--Nothing new to post since Friday. I'm still working hard to get the new site up--especially the interactive options on Web Board. Will be nice to have a forum you can post to everyday without having to wait on me. Have a good week, and thanks for visiting--Mike

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April 17, '98

I cannot tell you how thankful I am to see that there are others who are feeling the same way I am! I've decided to ask for professional help in dealing with my husband's recent admission that he's not sure he wants to remain married to me. I'll continue to visit your web site. The Q and A's are great.

Patti Upstate NY

My response: April 17, '98

Hi Patti. Thanks for visiting.

Everyone--You'll find a bunch of conversation on the Midlife Crisis Forum (maybe getting ready for May 1 when we can chat at length on the new Extra site). Also I've posted some new Q & As. Have a good weekend--Mike

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April 20, 1998

Has anyone in their midlife "crisis" gone out and bought a powerboat? I'm a reporter looking to interview someone who has "cruised" through midlife by discovering the joys of boating. Please contact me a Fit5@aol.com if you'd like to be interviewed for a major national consumer magazine. Thanks. -PR


Hey there, and thanks for all of the effort that you put into this web site! I am 49, and in the midst of my own midlife crisis and do appreciate being able to read what other people in the same predicament are enduring.



Dear sir,

The existence of mid-life crisis: a myth of a reality?

Denise in Hong Kong

My response: April 20, '98

Hey PR. I'll post this here and maybe some reader will want to contact you. By the way, I have at least one man on my site that fits your profile. Try A Laughing Matter. Good luck and thanks for visiting.

Maggie--Glad you dropped by, and I'm glad you're finding the conversations here helpful. For even more talk, drop back after May 1 and check out the interactive options on Best Years Extra.

Denise--For a quick answer, you might want to look at Surviving the Midlife Crisis. The reality is, however, that the experts haven't decided whether midlife crisis is a myth or reality. Most of the readers on this site will tell you they wish is was myth, but the reality is too vivid to deny. Thanks for visiting, and come back often.

Everyone--Thanks to those of you who emailed when our server was down on Saturday. While we're working on the new Extra site, there may be a few more interruptions, so please be patient. Also, I do need to know when you're having trouble accessing the site, so do respond to the error message on screen and e-mail the Systems Administrator, and do e-mail me too. Thanks; you'll find new stuff today on the Talk Back page in the responses to David, and I've posted another answered question from Susanne. Have a good week.--Mike

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April 24, 1998

I would like to receive your column to see what this is all about.

Sincerely, Ann


I was doing a search on extramarital affairs and turned up your site. Boy, am I surprised, and I got a whole lot more than I asked for! I'll be 52 end of this week, so figure I've found a great place to visit. Have stopped by several times, read your article on Jeff and his affair, and surfed through your other topics. I think I've found a home!!



I'm 47 now and I too am going through this mid-life stuff. I have been unreasonable with two dear friends. And I fear I have lost them for good. I am here to learn and learn to cope and to hopefully gain back my respect for myself

Thanks for the site


My Responses: April 24, '98

Hi Ann. The column is free each week on my web site (http://www.bestyears.com) Also, you can subscribe to my newsletter (free trial for the first month) beginning May 1. Visit the home page after that date, and follow directions for online registration. Thanks for writing.

Sue, Let me be the first to welcome you home. Glad to have you.

Kevin, You're certainly not the first to blow it and hurt people you love at midlife. I've been there. Hopefully, this will be a place of reconciliation and healing for you.

Everyone--You'll find new stuff this weekend on the Midlife Crisis Forum and the Messy Mangers Discussion. Also I've put up some new Q & As.

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April 27, 1998

I think your work is great, and look forward to visiting this page more often.


PS, I am a 36 year old heterosexual male, never married, and no kids. Interesting, yes?

My responses: April 27, '98

Hey Doug--Just shows that you can't trust stereotypes. Uh? Glad to have you here, and will enjoy conversing more in the future.

Everyone--Well, this Friday is the big day. Best Years Extra goes online. I'm really excited about this, and hope you will take me up on the free offer. The interactive part, called WebBoard is especially good--allows you to post messages instantaneously on a number of discussion topics. We'll also have several chat rooms--much better than anything I have provided up to this point. You'll find new things today on the Grandparent's Advice to Parents Discussion, the Talk Back Discussion--more advice to MW in Amarillo, and the Midlife Crisis Forum--a response from Hanging in There. Also, check back in a few days, and Susanne will have some more answers to questions. Have a good week.--Mike

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May 1, 1998

Hello, I found your page in a search I am doing for a masters level human development course. I am glad to see that this time in a man's life is recognized and supported by your site. Keep up the informative work. Thanks for the help.




Thank you so much for your website -- I can't tell you how helpful it is to hear other people's stories. I'm in the middle of my husband's midlife crisis -- he is denying he's having one! But all the signs are there, and it really is good to confirm that here.

I have some info for Pam, who is looking for myths / midlife: The book Death of a Warrior, Birth of the Soul by ? Robinson? compares fables and myths to the midlife experience. Beyond that, it is a great book on the midlife experience.

After seeing at least 5 husbands in our area lose husbands to a younger woman in the past year or so, I am glad to see the whole midlife experience becoming an accepted topic. Maybe if people were prepared for it, planned for it, expected it, more relationships would stay intact. I know if I'd realized a year ago what my husband's sports-car purchase meant, I would have gotten him to a therapist a LOT sooner!

Here's hoping!


My response: May 1, '98

Marita--Thanks for the encouragement, and for visiting.

Maggie, I think you're right about raising the consciousness about midlife transitions and crises. It does seem to help if friends and loved ones can intervene early on. Best of luck for your situation.

Everyone--You'll find new things this week on the Midlife Crisis forum, the Midlife When discussion, and the Letting Go discussion. Also, don't forget that today is the first day of Best Years Extra. I'm especially excited about the opportunity for you to experience more interaction with one another, and, since the first month is completely free, I hope you'll give it a try. Have a good weekend.--Mike

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May 4, 1998

Mike, I have found marriagebuilders.com/ helpful in understanding our failing relationship as my husband and I are going through MLC. Thanks for your column and all your hard work. Your site has been helpful to me also.


My response: May 4, 1998

Jennifer. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm listing it here on the guest page, and will link it later on to the links page.

Everyone--You'll find new conversation on the Midlife Crisis Forum and the In-between discussion page. Also I hope to put up some more Q & As tomorrow. Most importantly, Best Years Extra is now online, and if you really want to talk frequently on this site, then it is the best place to do so. I hope you'll give us a try. Have a good week.---Mike

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May 8, 1998

Hi Mike. I am taking a class in Psychology, Human Growth and Development, and I have been assigned to do an oral presentation on the "State of _____" for the boomers. Any suggestions? What is the most concerning to this age range of people? Aging parents and how to care for them? Retirement? Physical appearances and the advances in technology?? Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks, Tamela ( I am 32, born in 1966)


Hello, I really enjoyed your website, you have some great information here. I have another site for your resource and links page. Real Age at http://www.realage.com

There is a medically based program to improve your health, a library of current medical news and scheduled chats with physicians.

Please take a look and let me know what you think.

Thanks, Ben Ochoa


Mike: I wasn't really sure where to send this, but I wanted to let you know how much I look forward to being a part of Best Years Extra. More importantly, I would like to encourage everybody to try it out. I was a little lost on my first visit there, but on my next visit, with just a little time navigating around, it was great. I'm sure I'll get better with each future visit and am confident that if I can get around in there, anybody can and they will enjoy it. So, fellow midlifers....hop on board so we can chat and find a little comfort from each other!


My response: May 8, 98

Tamela--Probably any of your suggestions would make for a profitable discussion. Personally, I think disappointment is the single most devastating emotion we wrestle with at midlife, and hope is the single most quality we need. You might want to look at my intro to this web site. Also check out my index of columns and look at the topical index at the bottom of the page. Good luck on the report.

Hi Ben--I'll check out the web site, and list your URL here so others can do so also.

Hey Rena--thanks for the plug. It's more convincing than coming from me. I do hope many of you will join Rena and me and Susanne and others at Best Years Extra. The first month is completely free with no pressure to continue, so you really have nothing to lose. Click here for more info and the free trial offer.

Everyone--You'll find new conversation this weekend on the Midlife Crisis Forum, the Talkback discussion (MW in Amarillo), and the Urgent or Important discussion. Also, I've put up some new Q & As. Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend--Mike

May 11, 1998

Hi Mike,

Thanks for responding to my post. Guess what? My dream job walked into my life this week. It will provide me with an artistic"home" and security. It starts part-time with room to grow as my kids do. It's creative and the pay is more than I ever dreamed about. Last year through some professional guilds I wrote that I was interested in teaching workshops, classes or demonstrations. Someone remembered my name from years ago and remembered the uniqueness of my classes. Now she is handpicking a staff at a new YMCA. Looks like I join in September! All through networking, telling everyone I was looking and my professional memberships. You can't believe how wonderful I feel.


My response: May 11, '98

DB--Thanks for letting us hear the great ending to your story. I'm sure it will encourage and inspire others on this site.

Everyone--Best Years was off-line for part of Friday (and maybe Sat.), which probably is partly to blame for the lack of postings to this page. When you can't get on here, please email me immediately so I'll know to look for problems. We're enjoying sunny May days in Texas, with occasional afternoon thunderstorms (which is why we were off-line on Friday). Thanks again for visiting, and tell your friends about Best Years.--Mike

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May 15, '98

Lots of letters this week, but nothing to add to the guest registry (remember, you old timers can check in from time to time just to send greetings and let us know what's going on). I have posted a couple of responses on the Q & A page. Also, there's lots of conversation on the Best Years Extra site (many daily messages) as well as opportunities to chat in real-time. So, if you want more of this, give it a try for a month (it's free). We'll enjoy the added company.

Have a good week.--Mike

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May 18, 1998

No new additions to the guest registry today, but I did put up three new letters from Susanne on the Q & A page. Enjoy, and thanks for visiting Best Years.--Mike

May 22, 1998

Mike ... thanks...I have already read a quarter of your columns and found them both funny and thought provoking. Also, I just passed your website on to a friend who tomorrow begins his first "paid day" as a sixth grade teacher, after 27 years as a federal PR manager...


I am a currently taking a summer course in Mental Health and I have to do a presentation on the Middle Adulthood life stage. I found your web site to be quite helpful. My question for you is whether or not you are familiar with any movies, preferrably one you could rent at a video store, that illustrate some of the changes and stresses that occur during this mid-life stage? I would appreciate any ideas that you have to make my hour long presentation a bit easier. Thank you.

No name

Hi Mike:

I sent you a letter yesterday and I was pretty down....today I had time to read some of your columns...and let me tell you...they really hit home....you do justice to the topic! I especially like the column on In Betweens.....because just in the last couple of days I've felt trapped like an animal....restless....and also the one about changing jobs....maybe not a great thing and looking at three parts of your current job that maybe the best for right now.....

Thanks so much for taking on these issues....it's like when I found a support group for my OCD...I didn't feel so alone or strange...there was a "whole community" of people who understood what I was going through and didn't think me strange and who supported me. I'm sure I'll feel the same way about this site. Oh, and by the way, I vote that mid-life is NOT A MYTH!

Thanks again.


My response: May 22, '98

Jack, thanks for the encouragement, and for passing along our URL to a friend. His story sounds like what this site is all about.

No Name--Get City Slickers with Billy Crystal. It's the best.

Yep, Nancy; you'll find plenty of people on this site who don't think the midlife crisis is a myth. Glad you came, and hope you will hang around.

Everyone--You'll find new conversation this weekend on the Midlife Crisis Forum, the Prodigal Discussion (from Lost and JD), a short line on the Advice to Grandkids Discussion, and the Q & A page.

I'm out of town for the Memorial Day weekend, but want to hear from you, so drop me a line and I'll repond when I return. Have a fun and safe holiday.--Mike

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May 25, 1998

Hi Mike....I sent my column on Dads and Daughters to my father....he's such a gentle and kind man, not a man of many words, but one of good and moral acts which speak highly of him.....he has always been approachable....but I think in his way of trying to comfort me....he'd play down my problems...that's the only way he knew how to help me...to try and make me think they weren't that bad....I just wanted him to know where I as a daughter was coming from....what I needed was empathy and support.....I want you to know that as a result of that article, my father, the many of few words, wrote me two of the sweetest letters I will cherish forever....he really enjoyed the article. Thank you so much....you'll see me around a lot!



I am glad I found your web page. I suspected I was going through some kind of midlife crisis. I have talked to a lot of older women and none of them could offer any kind of advice about the so called change of life. Seems most of them forgot what the CHANGE was or don't recall going through it. I went to the doctor and got antidepressants because I thought that would be the magic cure. The medicine helps and now that I've read about the midlife crisis on your web site it has helped ease my mind to know its a normal phase of life and I'm not crazy. I am a 42 year old female and the mother of two grown sons. I think this midlife crisis has been coming on for at least the past two years. I have added this site to my Favorites page so I can keep up on your columns.

Sincerely, PAM

My response: May 25, '98

Nancy--Know just how your dad felt, and I'm glad the article brought a chance to communicate more clearly. Thanks for the note.

Pam--Yep, we're not crazy, just a normal transition of life. Glad to have you aboard.

Everyone--Happy Memorial Day. You'll find new things on the Midlife Crisis Forum and the Q & A page.

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May 30, 1998

Hi Everyone. You'll find new conversation this weekend on the Midlife Crisis Forum, the Prodigal Discussion, and the Q & A page. Thanks for visiting.--Mike

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June 1, 1998

Hi. Not many responses over the weekend. You will find new conversation on the Midlife Crisis Forum, and as of May 30 on the Q & A page. Have a good week.--Mike

June 5, 1998

There are several insightful responses that you'll enjoy reading this week. Most are on the Midlife Crisis Forum and there's one post on the Perfectionism Discussion. Also I'll try to get some new Q & As up as soon as possible.

Have a good weekend.--Mike

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June 8, 1998

Hi all. Hope you had a good weekend and that you're having a great summer. You'll find new stuff this week on the Midlife Crisis Forum. See ya--Mike

June 12, 1998

Hi all. Sooooory to be so late getting new Q & As up. It's not Susanne's fault; it's mine. I'm swamped. Anyway, you'll find a couple of new ones up today, and I hope to get another two up on the weekend. You'll also find new things on the Midlife Crisis Forum.

Take care.--Mike

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June 15, 1998

Hi again. Nothing new on the discussions and forums, but I've finally posted several new Q & As. And, if you want more conversation, remember that the new Extra site allows daily responses (we're averaging about 25 posts per day), along with some live chat. So check it out if you want; it doesn't cost anything to try for a month.

Have a good week.--Mike

June 19, 1998

Just to let you know I was looking for information on family reunions and enjoyed your article about it, but of course read some of the other information. Since my husband and I are 53, I thought it was an interesting site, so added it to my favorites list so we could watch it. Thanks!


My response: June 19, 1998

Mary, Thanks for putting Best Years on your bookmarks. Hope to hear from you again.

Everyone--There's other conversation this weekend on the No Place Like Home discussion and the Midlife Crisis Forum. I'm off to Colorado today (after teaching) to pick up a son at camp so won't be back online until late Saturday. I'll post again on Sunday night. Hope you have a good weekend.--Mike

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June 22, 1998

Hi all. Nothing to post today, but do have lots of questions to get to. Will try to post some this week. Have a good week.


June 26, 1998

Hi. Hope you have had a good week. Since I last spoke with you, I have put up a couple of Q & As from Susanne. Also there's a post on the Messy Mangers discussion page. Hope you have a nice weekend. I'm sure I will--the grandbaby is visiting. Did I mention that I have pictures? ;> I'll post again on Monday.--Mike

June 29, 1998

I'm off to Lubbock today for my final week of summer school. When I get back, I hope to do some housecleaning at Best Years. Several web pages here need some work, as well as on the new Extra site. And I hope to use the rest of the summer to write new columns that will begin to appear in September. Do you have any topics you would like me to address? Or is there a book you think I should review? If so, drop me a line.

Have a good week, and if you get a chance, sign the guest registry and let me know what's on your mind.


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