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The Best Years Bed and Breakfast Inn

Hi. And welcome to the first bed and breakfast inn dedicated exclusively to midlifers and located completely in cyberspace. Whether you've come to have fun (most of us are here at least partly to play), to just get away, to discover and reaffirm your identity and passion in life, to recover from a loss, or to work through a midlife crisis; I'm glad you're here.

So put on some grubbies, take your shoes off, and stroll leisurely through the grounds. You'll meet some of my old friends here (people like Meg, Gordon, my sister D'Lynne and wife Charlotte) and my new ones (people like Susanne, Kathy, Truet, Dan and Alice). There's plenty of opportunity to visit with them and me, so come on in and look around. And be sure to sign the guest registry. We want to know who's walking these trails with us.

Other Guest Pages (April-July 1997) (August-October 1997) (November-December 1997) (January-March 1998)
(April-June 1998) (July-September 1998) (October-December 1998) (January-March 1999)

Guests of Midlife Moments by Date: August - October 1997
(dates posted may not be the same as dates received)

August 3, 1997

Mike:

I'll be 40 years old in 3 days. I have "Full Blown Mid-Life Thoughts" running through my head and have taken on a course of Changing My Life! I plan to make good use of the "Bellah's Three Laws of the Lotto" over the next 40 years. You have a great site here... Thanks

Craig

PS: I just lost my job last month and will be losing my house (That I built myself 8 years ago) if I don't find new work in the next 2-3 months. I book-marked your page, I'll be back to visit often!

_______________________

I just saw a copy of your newspaper article from March 18, 1995 today (July 30, 1997). The article was something about being happy without winning the lottery. The article summed up so much of what has been going through my mind and heart lately. I'd started purchasing lottery tickets with the hopes of winning just enough to do at least some of the things on the list in your article. Your list of priorities was so close to my own--I'd like to have a copy of the article if at all possible to read and reread and see often to remind me of the value of LIVING right now instead of waiting until that "when I win the lottery time" that never comes.

I just discovered you and your writing today. You'd never guess how. A xeroxed copy of the article mentioned was taped to the inside of a ladies restroom door--I only had time to scan the article, but it was great. If possible, could you e-mail it to me and if not possible, I'll borrow it from the place I saw it and copy it and return it. Either way, you've just found a new reader. Keep up the good work.

A new fan,

Barbara

Response August 3, 1997

Hey Craig and Barbara. I'm flattered that you like my columns and especially the one on the lotto. Actually, it's one of my favorites too. Craig, good luck on the job, and do keep in touch. I hope to begin a forum page soon on midlife carreer changes, jobs, etc. And Barbara, thanks for letting me know that my material has made it to the doors of ladies' restrooms. I suppose one doesn't get more famous than that :-)

Sorry everyone that I wasn't able to post twice last week (had PhD qualifying exams--Whew!). Anyway I've been busy today and you'll find new conversation on the Christmas in July Discussion Page, the Teen Discussion Page, the Midlife Crisis Forum Page, and several entries on the Q & A II Page. Also soon I'll be posting a new answer on the regular Q & A Page.

Take care and enjoy the week.

Mike

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August 6, 1997

Thank you so much for responding to my letter. I didn't even know if you would get it or not. I enjoyed reading the article about the lottery--it is so true. Thank you for sending me the article. I also read other links on your home page. You said you'd like to hear stories about the simple pleasures of life and that you'd like to hear from readers. My husband and I just returned this evening from a long weekend to the mountains. It was beautiful, cool and refreshing. I have been contemplating for many years relocating to the mountains of Colorado. Your article about do-overs reminded me of this desire. While on our trip, my husband and I discussed the REALITY of moving to the mountains--and decided to make the best of what we have where we are. We've come to these conclusions before, but just didn't admit it out loud. So, we're going to see about remodeling our home in Amarillo and make it more enjoyable and more functional--so we can LIVE now instead of waiting for that "someday" that may never come for us to have all those dreams fulfilled. So your article about the lottery, the one about do-overs, and your request about how to enjoy simple pleasures of life all seemed pertinent to me. I must be a mid-lifer!!

We went to visit a daughter and son-in-law who are working at a church camp it the mountains of New Mexico for the summer. It was an impromptu visit. We had planned a weekend in South Fork, Co, but thought at the last minute to take the scenic route via El Porvenir, NM. Unknown to us until we were leaving to go on Fri, another daughter, her husband and 2 children also decided at the last minute to go to visit the same people at the same time. My husband and I arrived at the camp about 3 hours before our other daughter and her family. Even though we live in the same town, it was great to get together in the mountains. It was rejuvenating to smell the pine trees, to see the delightful antics of hummingbirds, and to sleep hearing the murmur of a mountain stream in the background. All this plus being with family that we love. Even if it was for a very short time--it was a nice break, and maybe we'll all be more energized for a while--as we're contemplating a "do-over".

I didn't intend to go on and on like that. Once more thanks for the article and keep up the good writing.

Barbara in Amarillo

Response August 6, 1997

Thanks for the note Barbara. You make me want to be in the mountains. Your letter just proves that it's those little unexpected gifts that make life worthwhile. Thanks for sharing the experience.

Everybody: I finally got my response to "Sleepless in New York" up on the Questions and Answers Page, and you'll find a number of new responses on the Q & A Page II. Also for you former Hidden Falls Ranch staff, I heard last week from Leigh Barrett Anderson (Becky McGaughy's sister) on the Christmas in July discussion page. Thanks for all the visits (we had over 1,000 hits yesterday), and I do hope you'll return often.

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August 11, 1997

Mike,

Your writing is a real inspiration to me. Thanks for your gift to us 1948 models!

You asked about simple pleasures. This morning Jayne (the bright star in my life for the last 30 years) and I watched the sun rise over the pines from our hot tub. The foothills of the Smokey Mountains, where we make our home, is a gorgeous place to be alive. It doesn't get much simpler or better than that.

We have structured our lives so we have this time before the day gets underway. And, whether we are exercising, walking the dog, or just "being", we do it together first thing. It is truly a rich experience.

After two decades as an educator, becoming an award winning trainer and sales person for Dale Carnegie, I started my own speaking and training business from our home. It's amazing to me that when you do what you love, the successes will find you.

And, while the opportunities and pressures to do more are great, the luxury of being largely in control of our time and still making a good living are extremely satisfying.

Many of my talks and seminars focus on consciously putting the balance of values back into life. For me that involves the pursuit of balance in five areas; Spiritual, Physical, Social, Professional, and (Personal) Developmental. I'm working real hard on "being a sign and not a recording" when it comes to evidencing these values in my life.

I wouldn't trade this time in my life for youth or wealth. These are the best of times!

Best wishes, Jim in Chattanooga, TN

Response August 11, 1997

Hey Jim--Thanks for the note (you can read more from Jim on the Back to School discussion page). The view from your home sounds sumptuous. Wish I could see it. And I like your five areas of balance. Would enjoy hearing you speak sometime. Thanks for visiting my site, and do come back often.

Everyone--There's new conversation this week on the school discussion page, the midlife crisis forum page, and the question and answers II page. Enjoy. And keep in touch--Mike

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August 13, 1997

I have just found your site in my surfing. I am a person who has been going through my m-l crisis for about thirty years. I am a juvenile diabetic . Being told that I would be dead by 30, I have been in crisis since age 15. But the point I wanted to make is , do we have to amend out parameters now that sweet old French lady passed on, since she was what,126? I became blind two years ago, and I am so thankful for the computer age. I would like to find more ways to communicate with others, though. I am trying to adapt to my condition in that I want to work at something worthwhile, but so far, haven't found my niche. I may have to make one. Thank you.

Pam

_______________________

I'm enjoying your web page and just wanted to register as a new resident of Sarasota, Fl. Good luck getting your PhD.

denise

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August 15, 1997

I like your writings, thanks for your insight and help.

I am now going through a midlife crisis myself. (Wife moved out)

Both kids are moving out.

but, opportunities are pouring IN!!!!!

John m

Response August 15, 1997

Pam--What an inspiration you are! I have wondered whether people who have unusual limitations placed on them in childhood might make better adjusted adults--they've had more experience coping with unmet expectations. And, like you and the computer, they've learned to find ways to compensate for their areas of challenge.

By the way, do you have someone read these words to you or does your computer translate the print into braille or spoken words? Maybe you will find your niche on the Internet encouraging others to transcend their limitations. You have the gift for it. Your words have already inspired me.

Denise--Thanks for visiting, and thanks for the well wishes about my schooling. I hope you'll set a bookmark and come back often.

John--Good luck. Sounds like things have been hard, but maybe are starting to turn around for you. I hope so.

Mike

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August 18, 1997

Hi Mike, I really like this web site. I have a couple of questions? 1.- Is there some group or network that deals with those people wanting to change careers at mid-life who have started their education late in life? I received an associates degree in '93 but am unable to find a job let alone get an interview. I realize that education is the key but as we get "better" and more "experienced" with age, ( I do not like the word.....O-L-D.....) it is harder because of our age.

2.- Are there any companies or services that hire people like myself that have worked for one company for so long looking for good reliable people?

"THANK-YOU" for your time and look forward to chatting with you on the web.

P.S. Where are you found "chatting" on the web????

PAT

_______________________

Hello Mike,...

Am a student w/ Eastern Carolina University at Greenville, N.C.. the satellite campus, at Pope AFB, N.C. am doing a research paper for Industrial/Occupational Psychology,..,..... The research paper,.. I am doing is mid-life career changes, and the effects on the individual ,,,his/her spouse,.. and child,,,,or children....

Have had a personnel experience,.. retiring from the military, four(4) years ago,.. didn't have immediate prospect,,... even sending resumes,.. the biggest problem, though,.. was the lack,.....of communications... Now w/ an A.A.S. Degree in Industrial Electronics,.. going for a B.S. Degree in Industrial Technology, concentration in Manufacturing,..

Any information that you can send for supporting documents concerning mid-life career changes and how it affects the family,... that I can use to support my research paper,.. It would be greatly appreciated...

Thanks Nels

Response: August 18, 1997

Pat and Nels--Thanks for writing. Your inquiries are prompting me to do something I've been intending to do for weeks now: start a new forum page for midlife career changers. I, too, am in the position of you two--in my case, changing careers after 20 years in the same profession.

I think there are many resources around that can help in this transition: books, tapes, web sites, etc. Also I know there are people who have successfully navigated these waters (I've interviewed several for my columns, and, Nels, I'll send some of these to you if you'll give me a mailing address).

So I hope the two of you, along with others who are reading these words, will join me in the Midlife Career Change Forum to share and discuss our discoveries. It'll also be a great place for mutual encouragement and networking.

Best of luck to both of you--Mike

P.S. Pat, theoretically, I can be in the chat room at any time, but catching me is next to impossible. We are planning some set times for September which should make this more workable.

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August 20, 1997

Mike, I have two things I would like to mention. First off, is there any way to make your site a little more speech-friendly/? I can get through it, but not easily. Thank you.

I wanted to respond to your interest in finding simple things to do. My husband and I are the Duke and Duchess of finding cheap, non-stressful things to do that are not fishing. He feeds birds and squirrels., for example. Today, he looked out the window and a squirrel had a slice of 12 grain bread in his hands eating it like a person. We planted large head sunflowers that have grown to 10 or12 foot heights. So many varieties of birds and bees have moved in that the whole town drives by just to gawk. We have had several breeds of birds this year that we have never seen before, so we are sure that it is the sunflowers. Yesterday, a sparrow was caught inside the feeder, and he had to lift the lid to free it. This may bore most people, but we spent many years go, go, going and that is an empty life. You will never find enough things or happenings to fill the void in your soul. I think back to the hippie years and soo silliness and searching in us. But now we have that peace that knows no understanding.

_______________________

i see you read my question but didn't answer it, could you please tell my why

carol

_______________________

I would like to have a preview of your magazine. Thanks. sheila

Response August 20, 1997

Hi Pam--I agree that there is an emptiness in most of our frantic activity, and thanks for sharing one of your simple pleasures. Now tell me: How do I make my site more speech-friendly? Is there a web site or something I can read that will tell me how to make these pages more accessible to the visually impaired? I really would like to know.

Carol--I'm sorry your question hasn't been answered yet. I put all the questions but one up on this page every week to give everyone a chance to answer (since I can't answer all of them and I think many of our readers have some good thoughts). But sometimes it takes a while. I know you need to hear something soon, and I'll do all I can on this end to see that happen. Can the rest of you reading this help out on this one? If so, visit the Q & A Page II and offer your insight and encouragement. Thanks.

Sheila--Actually, I will have a magazine (or newsletter) that will come out later this fall. It will not replace what you find on these pages, but I hope it will expand it (More about this later). My goal is to keep the large majority of what I offer on this web site completely free of charge. So right now you have access to everything there is here. Enjoy.

Mike

There is also new conversation today on the midlife crisis forum. See ya later.

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August 22, 1997

Hi,

I would like a copy of your magazine sent to my home. I am not allowed to get personal email at my work address and I have yet to have internet put on my system at home.

So could I please have a copy sent to

FloAnn

Response: August 22, 1997

FloAnn--Again, there's no magazine yet, but one is coming. Everything on this web site is free, so enjoy. By the way, have you tried hotmail? You can get a free e-mail account from them that you can use at work or home.

Mike

August 25, 1997

Mike, (from the "Murphy Was a Midlifer" discussion)

Well, it is true, that facing 50, things do seem a little bleak! Like health problems become important, when before you either ignored them or took a couple aspirin and ran out the door! Or, now when you fight with your parents, if you still have parents (I don't) you feel depressed because they are old and you're getting there and you don't want to "stress" them out any more than you are already "stressed" yourself. After all stress leads to heart disease, hypertension, etc. I mean when I go the beauty parlor now, the stylist is depressed because her father died and her mother is giving her problems ( she's becoming the child-horrors!) and when I go the shrink ( for stress related counseling) she's having problems with her mother, and when I call my daughter, she says she wishes she didn't have to deal with adult problems, like used car salesmen, etc. Well, all I can say is Murphy's right, but I'll opt for mid-life because as the retirees at the nursing home tell me, the alternative isn't too rosy either!

By the way, wandered into your web page looking for Military brats circa 1966 (high school). Glad I did!

Sheila

Response: August 25, 1997

Sheila--Good stuff. You aught to write a humor column.

Hey everyone--Hope you had a good weekend and a nice break from work (unless you work on the Internet and that never ends). There's new conversation on the Midlife Crisis Forum and on the Q & A Page II. This week I'm also introducing a Midlife Moments' Booknook with some great books and great values on midlife-oriented material. I've just started the list, so if you have titles that have been helpful to you, dealing with some midlife issue, please let me know, and I'll try to get them listed on the page.

More thoughts on simple pleasures?--If so, I'd like to hear from you.

Oops. I almost forgot . . . .I passed my qualifying exams! Yea!

Sorry, I get carried away. Have a good week.--Mike

Response: August 27, 1997

Just a note: I'm about to head south (Texas Tech University) for another semester of teaching so I'll be posting messages only on Fridays and Mondays again. Since we last talked, there's new stuff on the midlife adventure discussion page and on the question and answer page II. Also don't forget to make recommendation for books you would like to see offered in the new Midlife Moments' Booknook. See ya, Mike

Response: August 30, 1997

There's conversation this weekend on the Q & A Page and the Q & A II. Also on the Midlife Crisis Forum and Career Changers Forum. And I've added books to the Booknook. It would be nice to get some more general comments on this page (If you're reading this for the first time and want to jot a note and give us your initial reactions, please do). Yall (yes I'm southern) have a nice Labor Day.--Mike

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September 1, 1997

There's another note today on the Career Changers Forum. Also I've had several hits on the Booknook, but people seem reluctant to purchase there (Amazon's server is secure so it's unlikely that someone could get your credit card number by ordering online). Remember to let me know what other books you want me to list.

Still getting lots of visitors to Best Years. Last month we averaged over 700 hits per day, including 1650 who visited the home page. I enjoy hearing from you. Thanks for signing the guest registry. See ya later; I'll post again on Friday.--Mike

September 5, 1997

Just finished my first week of teaching. Got a great group of students. I can't believe how much teaching college "kids" has given life to my middle years.

You'll find new conversation this weekend on the midlife crisis forum (lots of entries) and the Q & A page. And I still need some replies from you to your peers on the Q & A Page II. Also someone has mentioned again that, although men do comment on these pages, they rarely join an ongoing conversation. The women on these pages have many theories about why this happens (men afraid of their emotions or of intimacy or just non-verbal). I for one don't think this is the case with most of you guys. So prove me right; join a discussion. (Maybe you men want some other forum that we don't yet have. So make a suggestion. I'm all ears.)

Have a good weekend, and don't forget: Sometimes the best really does begin in the middle.

Mike

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September 8, 1997

Dear Mike, I just found your web site and would like to see if you could help me with a question that I've pondered for years and I'm no closer to an answer now than when I first started . My question is; When we look at the statue of ATLAS holding the world in his hands, what is he standing on and better yet where are we when we see him do it? From one BELLAH to another,

Mel Bellah MELSWEB@webtv PERKINS OK

Response September 8, 1997

Mel--And if Atlas dropped the world when no one was looking, would we know it fell? I have these questions too; guess it runs in the family :-) Thanks for stopping by.--Mike

September 12, 1997

Sorry, I forgot which column I was in. Thank you for your kind words in the Bed and breakfast spot. I keep getting lost in your site, it is so fascinating! I am the blind user. I just contracted a part-time job and I have to say that your site was so encouraging, I know it helped me. Keep it up! The world can bloom like a rose when a person hears encouragement and of course, the opposite is also true. It can wilt just that fast at negativity. This ties in with Mr. Abe. On the playground we point out and shun the odd child. I think it is a pack mentality, to a certain extent. And in ironing out the differences, the individuality is lost. Us old hippies should know this So when we "fix" an oddity, we neuter the interest. Could the complexion mirror the complexity?

Pam

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September 15, 1997

Just turned 50 in July and didn't realize there were so many of us,, I almost feel better about it now. TIA

Bye, Bye for now... Sharyn

Response September 15, 1997

Hi Pam--Good to hear from you again and congratulations on the new job. Yep Sharyn, there are a bunch of us--I think it's one every 7 or 8 seconds now that turns 50. I'm glad you visited Best Years, and that you took time to sign the guest registry. I hope you will come back often.

Hey everyone--there is new conversation this week on the midlife crisis forum, the Q & A page, and the Q & A page II. Hope you have a good week, and keep in touch.--Mike

September 19, 1997

I am 38 years old and will be 39 in 3 months. In the last two years I have finally completed the doctorate I needed in order to pursue a research career like I always wanted. For many years I used to pursue careers that involved working for people like my father. My father has always treated all of his kids (all 6 of us) like property. He has also made sure that his 3 sons felt like they were failures. Now looking back at all the child abuse and now I find out wife-beating that goes on on his side of the family, I realize that my father has always resented two of his sons (my older brother and I) because we use our intellect to create instead of to dominate people. My father was a corporate executive back in the days when people still treated them like a god. His former employees think very little of him. Is it common to finally work through abuse issues this late in life and realize that one was feeling inadequate all of these years because of an oppressive father?

Paul

_______________________

Hi Mike,

I am in college and currently taking a human development class. I have to do a research paper using at least two journals and anything that I can information from. My topic is midlife crisis. Do you have any ideas on any good books to read concerning this? My report is due October 24. I would appreciate any help you might be able to give me.

Juliana

Response September 19, 1997

Hi Paul--I expect that your experience is typical of a number of midlifers. I will try to get a professional counselor to reply to you on the Q & A page in the near future. Meanwhile, thanks for sharing, and thanks for stopping by Best Years

Juliana--You might take a look at the Midlife Moments' Booknook. Most of these titles probably could be ordered through your school library. Good luck on the report.

Everyone--You'll find new conversation this week on the midlife crisis forum page, the "Letting Go" discussion page, and the Q & A page. Have a good weekend.--Mike

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September 22, 1997

Hi Mike, i like this web site a lot. I have gained some insight on the career changes and would like to join your forum on career change. Keep up the good work and like this months comments on "home". Keep the info coming and I will keep in touch. Later............... PAT

Response September 22, 1997

Thanks for the encouragement Pat, and will welcome your contributions to the career change forum

Everyone--You will find new conversation this week on the midlife crisis forum page and the "When Teens Rebel" discussion page. While visitors to this web site are up this month, there have been fewer visiting this guest page. Anyone have any idea why. I may need to make it easier to get to. Suggestions?

Have a good week, and I'll post again on Friday--Mike

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September 26, 1997

Hi everyone--I put a lot of messages on the midlife crisis forum page this morning. Enjoy, and have a good weekend.--Mike

September 29, 1997

You'll find new conversation this week on the midlife crisis forum page. Also I hope to put up a new question and answer on the Q & A page. I'd like to add new voices to this page. Are you visiting for the first time? If so, please take a moment to let us know and share whatever thoughts you have about the web site. Again, thanks for stopping by and you all ("yall" where I come from) have a good week. I'll post again on Friday--Mike

October 6, 1997

Hello, my name is Ben Newton. I have a friend who is majoring in Social Work at the University of Mississippi. She has to do a paper about mid life crisis, and I was wondering if you have any information that would help her.

Hi Ben.

Many of my columns mention other books on midlife, specifically the ones titled "Reinventing Yourself," "Identifying Your Midlife Passion," and "The Reverse Cinderella Syndrome," and "It's How You Play the Game." You can find each of them from my columns' page (http://www.bestyears.com/columns.html).

Also you might look at the Booknook, which you can access from my home page.

I hope this helps. If your friend needs more help, have him or her jot me a line.

Mike

Everyone: During the last two weeks, I've had a record number of visitors to Best Years (over 2500 hits on the busiest day). However, the midlife forum page and this registry are getting less action. Can you help me figure out why? I'll be glad to make improvements if I know what needs to happen so drop me an e-mail if you have an idea.

I'm leaving soon to see students for a few days. I'll post again on Friday. Keep in touch and thanks for visiting.

Mike

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October 10, 1997

Hi again. You'll find new stuff this weekend on the midlife crisis forum and the career change forum. By Saturday, I hope to have a new entry on the Q & A page. I'm considering closing the Q & A page II since not many people offer responses there. Maybe those who write want pros to answer their questions--I don't know--tell me if you have an opinion.

Soon I will begin offering advertisers space on my pages. I need the revenue to keep offering all the free pages you find here. I hope you will click on their banners and check out the goods and services they are offering. And, if you are reading this and want to advertise on Best Years, please contact me.

Oh yes, my new grandbaby visits for the first time this weekend. Yea!

See ya--Mike

October 13, 1997

I've decided to use this entry to give you an idea of who is meeting us here on these pages. The average daily hits (when someone downloads a file on Best Years) have gone from about 650 during July and August to around 1,000 during the last month. The most traffic on a single day was 2580 hits on Friday, September 26. That five-day period ended with 7432 hits, an average of 1486 per day. Outside the U.S., the most frequent hits since August are from Canada (1512), Australia (583), and the United Kingdom (388). We've received about 100 hits in the same time frame from the Czech Republic, Hong Kong, Japan, Malaysia, the Netherlands, and Singapore. In all, visitors to Best Years have come from 41 different countries (yes, the Russian Federation is included as is Bahrain; still haven't heard from North Korea yet, but South Korea is represented).

Just thought you might enjoy the trivia.

Today is a sad day: last night John Denver died in a plane crash. I think his music expressed an optimism and joy for life that one rarely finds in contemporary music. Anway, he was a favorite of mine, and I will miss him.

Thanks for visiting Best Years and keep in touch.--Mike

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October 17, 1997

Mike, Thanks for making your web pages mostly free from pictures. I appreciate not having to wait for fancy maps and flip-flop advertising. I will respond to the content in time, but I wanted to let you know I appreciate simple design rather than flashy junk.--Joe

_______________________

I'm 20 years old. I am very worried about my Dad. He is 48 years old and just retired. He also had an heart attack last year. Now, he is looking at life as if he is just waiting to die, and he had accomplished everything possible.

He is not as much fun as he used to be, he is picking on everyone for every little thing and is not willing to change.

I'm getting worried because I learned in my Psychology class that when someone is not willing to live anymore they end up dying sooner.

I hope you understand my point. Please give me an advice on what to do with my Dad.

Thank you very much for your time,

Meivy

_______________________

please do not respond via e-mail this is my husbands pc, just wondering if you ever heard of someone filing for divorce due to him talking to someone on irc? i Am very depressed. he actually filed over someone he never met. i thought we had a solid marriage we have been married 28 years,,,, thank you Jade

_______________________

Joe, thanks for the kind words. Part of the reason there's no "flashy junk" is because I'm not skilled enough to design it (;>)
But, seriously, I do want these pages to be content-rich and so I thank you for noticing.

Meivy, I'll try to answer you at greater length this weekend on the Q & A page. For now, hang in there. Your dad may still be working through the grief and anxiety associated with his heart attack. And thanks for writing. You're a wise and caring young person.

Hi Jade--I'm sorry to sound like a newbie on the Net, but I am. What is irc? A chat line? If it is, yes I have heard of affairs starting this way. In fact, I think there are some letters from some of the spouses and perpetrators on our questions pages. Since I don't have any experience with this, if you are reading this and do, please respond to Jade on the midlife crisis forum page.

Thanks for visiting, everyone, and have a good weekend.--Mike

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October 20, 1997

Hi everyone. Lots of hits this weekend, but nothing to post on this page. Yall (Yep; I'm southern) have a good week.--Mike

October 24, 1997

This week I heard from Michele, who has some thoughts on perfectionism, and Keith, who shares his frustration in finding a new job and career at midlife. Also, Susanne will soon have an answer to a new question on the Q & A page. Have a good weekend, and thanks for visiting.--Mike

October 27, 1997

'Dear Mike, I'm a sixty something year old who is in my third career.(actually, fourth) I was a teacher, H.S. Principal, am presently a psychotherapist and in addition I brought up six children. I was widowed in 1979 and now find myself wanting some intelligent and healthy male companionship. I have many female friends but unfortunately ,most of the men I knew and loved are gone. There must be others out there like me. Do you provide any method of their getting to know each other? If not ,maybe you can suggest something. I do not have Java...whatever that is and that seems to be required by all the chat rooms.(That's not a great loss because most of the chats seem inane anyway.)I'm kind of at a loss as to how to connect with vital ,interesting, professional sixty year olds who are good people. Any ideas? I'd really appreciate an answer. Thanks.

Verona

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my husband used to be a nice, mild mannered man, but recently he has been chasing younger women, wanting to drive sports cars, letting his hair grow long, and listening to wild music. my mother thinks he is going through his midlife crisis. is there such a thing or is he just being a jerk?--Wanting to Know

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I was surprised to find your web page. I am certainly in a midlife crisis at this time. I look forward to the day when this is over. I am sure there are others who have felt the same. Thanks for being here when I needed support.

Sandee

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Response: October 27, 1997

Hi Verona. I think there are men out there who also would like to converse with you. You have a rich life experience. I'm afraid I don't know about opportunities for meeting on the net (maybe some other readers will respond), but I have written about building new friendships at midlife. Check out "That's What Friends Are For," and good luck.

Yes, Wanting to Know, there is such a thing as a midlife crisis, and, yes, your husband is being a jerk. You'll find a lot of conversation on this web site dealing with both. I hope some of it helps. Hang in there.

Hi Sandee. I know what you mean about wishing the painful feelings would cease, but, speaking as one who has been there, I realize now that they are often necessary for the new us that can emerge from such hurt. Thanks for visiting and keep in touch.

I also heard this weekend from Martha who had some insightful thoughts about growing up watching Disney movies.

Have a good week everyone, and thanks for visiting.--Mike

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