Top 10 Ways to Tell if Your Friend Is Having a Midlife Crisis
What does CBS's "Late Show with David Letterman" have that my columns do not? No, the answer isn't a host with a full head of hair. In fact, until this column, "The Late Show" had a top ten list, which I do not.
But no longer. Straight from the home office in Muleshoe, Texas--are you ready kids?--here are this week's top ten ways to tell if your friend is having a midlife crisis.
Drum roll, please.
He starts clipping out real estate ads for sheep ranches in New Zealand.
He wants to quit his job this winter and tour Alaska by dog sled.
She informs her family that she no longer does windows, laundry, meals, or takes unsolicited questions.
He uses the family van as a down-payment on a red 1996 Corvette convertible.
He is seen cruising the local drag in said car, while sporting a flashy gold necklace and flowered shirt unbuttoned to his navel.
She announces that she will not be participating in the annual family fishing trip to Colorado this summer, but has booked passage with some girls from work on a Caribbean cruise.
He hangs an autographed picture of George Foreman next to his recently won trophy for the over-40 division of amateur hang gliders.
She changes hairstyles more often than first lady, Hillary Clinton, and hair colors more often than basketball star, Dennis Rodman.
Along with his slightly overweight and balding friends, he cancels this January's super bowl party to beat tom-toms and run naked through a nearby wilderness area in search of his "wild man."
Dressed in the seductive garb of your average mid-century farm wife, she starts hanging around mid-western covered bridges.